these are the days of my life

I bonded with bees last night.

Hipsters bees buzzed buzz inside Spaceland: "...did you catch the last band? wow they, she was great!" spoken in bathroom hallways, and "..an amazing voice!" repeated three ways by one on the main floor.

I couldn't agree more.

~~~

Tired of hiding the cigarette from myself in the little game of where did that come from? I find them a lot in my hands these days always sneaking up to my lips. Giving in to honesty: I'm smoking again.
The first step to quitting.
Again.

~~~

Noticed that brakes on ice cream trucks scream more than children. The bell tingles dingles as carts are pushed up my hill past couches and boys wasting summer evenings sitting on them. This is where I live.

~~

Things have been wacky and yet still happy as an unemployed person can be right without hearing the elevator operator call out "Basement: Desperation, Breaking Out In Hives, and Self Hating." Thankfully not there yet. The curse of being happy go lucky to a fault.

Anyhow things have been suggested that I place this reminder again:

This is not a diary but a blog inspired by actual events.

My opinions don't mean crap.

I'm often wrong.

I love music but suck at music blogging. I owe so much to the cool music blogs; some are listed on the lorange blog myspace btw.

I'm anything but naive about bands, certain individuals I write about, or the scenes I frequent.

you don't know me anymore than I know you. I would like to change that.

oh JP, I will try to be less vague.

now with less slacking

Being unemployed is not sexy. But it is liberating, yeah liberating.

I was at wells fargo taking care of some legacy banking issues that I could've done years ago. Plenty of downtime spent sitting in an air conditioned bank was not a bad place to be that day. When the account setter-upper asked where I working I couldn't help but laugh at my answer: I'm not. Weird to be so open about it. Nothing to brag about but that's the new truth.

Speaking of...I've shared too much real info lately; I've whittled down to real. Reasons range from I've done little of the going out stuff to feeling all my little non-real thoughts where just so trivial. music, infatuations. who cares.

Well I do. For my new readers (KE? maybe...don't worry I have no idea who my lurkers are) and others welcome to my little imaginary world. This is not a diary though I do reveal parts of my life here, sometimes hidden, sometimes blunt and obvious. Mostly boring.

For example...

Skipped the Mountain Goats show in favor of visiting the Getty on Sunday. Lovely walk around the gardens with one guest fascinated, the other bored. Sometimes my social life and my real life intersect: last time was El*e and Gl*n a couple weeks ago at the natural history museum; this week it was an ex-local band member and since we don't now each other other than being within the same social group it was a quick, friendly visual acknowledgment before on to paintings of a rhino named Clara. Well she smiled and I gees I hope I smiled back. Split second thought of must. not. cross the beams of my private and public life but I'm always happy later when I do.

My private life is not a secret, just private.
And no Ash I don't do it to be mysterious.

So last night I see her again at Kiss or Kill and was going to say hello just for saying hello sakes but she kept walking away (to see the band, etc) before I could. Another time I guess - so in the off chance you read this, Hi.

Sorry this post is about nothing. Maybe my point was that I was going use this liberation to be less shy. hmm.

Random: I'm blogging at McDonald's (sunset/fountain) and some guy was yelling profanities to the cashier on his way out from the counter to the door on Sunset, and then from the doorway he chucked his soda across the whole restaurant in an amazing shot straight to the cashier's head. She ducked in time thankfully. crazy.

deathwatch...maybe

I just remembered this little rumor from my recent Bay Area trip and thought I'd share it.

Earlier I posted about my future Vegas trip in late August for my Brother's 40th birthday and how many relatives where flying out for the event. Sadly one was unable to take leave from their military job for a couple reasons, one being that they might be needed if someone politically important dies that week.

This person? Former President George H Bush Senior.



Word is that he is being treated for something back East currently and is expected to be no longer of this mortal world in the next month or two.

[my opinion ahead]
While his ::administration:: was less evil then the current one, they still did invade Iraq first (though props for not occupying) , allowed the ultra conservative right gain more of a foothold after Reagan that enable the current administration to be elected, and a personal affront to me, ignored the AIDS epidemic nearly completely. what kind of administration hurts their own people like that? Oh wait any one run by a Bush.
[/end opinion]

So in standard blogger tradition I'm starting Bush Sr. Death Watch 2007.

Dibs on on Sept 12th. What's yours?


(In all seriousness I do wish the Bush family my best through this alleged time of sickness. My dad passed away when I was 17 - dead/dying dads are not fun.)

Me and the LAPD

I heard a knock on my door this morning and answered it with coffee in hand. In front of me were two serious cops; in front of them was a guy wearing blue pajamas with a shirt adorned with three penguins and the words "Chill Out!"

"We're responding to a report of screaming kids from your apartment." the one on the left informed me. His partner watchfully said nothing. Lefty specifically asked if there was any screaming inside my little place.

"You mean screaming bloody murder type of screaming?" I specifically questioned.

The partner had no reaction other to see his partner start to answer "no" before taking control of the conversation again. All I wanted was clarification; was it scream of a slow and painful death, I won the lottery, or I walked into a spider web type of screaming, not that I ever did the later. I thought it was a fair question and fortunately my shirt already put them in a tranquil place mentally so they took it at such.

"Are there any screaming kids in here sir? We need to make sure any children are alright in here."

I didn't have screaming kids at the time but remarked "Well that's nice I guess" to this visit at the ungodly hour of 9am, meaning someone cared enough to call the cops at the slightest sound of a kid having a fit over video games or something.

More questions, more answers, more flat jokes and they shortly left satisfied that I wasn't hanging kids on meats hooks in my closest. Just good cops doing their job dealing with smart asses like me.*




* I wasn't awake enough to give any attitude and I wouldn't. My brother is a cop so I'm used to hanging out with his friends and with the door wide open and my relaxed body language, my humor came off more dry than anything.

a short recap

I had prepared answers and no asked questions the other night when shyness and doubt brought my streak to an end. Frustration that some parts of me might never shed.

moving on...

I've been well and incredibly thankful for family and friends this month. It could so much worse and it is for so many in this city. Piling clothes unwanted to donate to make room for new slacks and shirts in my closet. I'm lucky I can do this.

So when they killed my product line and in turn my job (mfr: besides Sam they laid off Dr. A.. who you didn't know and Antonio -maybe more) due to the company slowdown (so many reasons I'm not going into) I lost my only connection to the internet. I was kind of proud of being offline on my downtime but when the whole day is your downtime one starts to go a little loopy after say day four.

what to do, what to do?
not cook for three days
spend a day at the natural history museum

stand in line at 7-11 kwik e mart

(random kids for size comparison)

say one line in ghetto quality short film

realize how unhappy I was before layoff
realize that I haven't felt more confident in years
decided that a road trip to the Bay area was in order

(grapes in my mom's back yard-mtz has one of the oldest wineries still in operation)

sleep deprived + bottle wine + good pizza = Minor anxiety attack (sorry m.)
rode BART for the first time in 15 years
Chinatown + vegan Chinese food + free strawberry martinis in SF
Indian casino nickel slots with mom (best part of the trip)
Maggie Mudd soy milk blueberry ice cream (!!)
kick ass hand me down laptop to borrow
an amazing group of close friends and family to lean on, talk to, drink with.

like I said I'm incredibly thankful and lucky.

freaking out over lack of job countdown begins right about
now.

current reality

A partridge family of upper management walks into the office which the absentee owner never uses. I haven't seen him in at least two months.

The Office Manager calls me in and I allow her to sit first among the awaiting Director of Operations and Plant Supervisor. They look uncomfortable holding the table with downward stares.

I chuckle at seeing two envelopes on the desk.

"Oh this doesn't look good."

I stand within the nervous laughter for a moment then take a seat with a smile. Yup. ten years, three moves (Bay Area to Central California to the City of Industry and finally to Gardena), three different owners and I hear words never spoken to me before:

laid off

So I ask you internet strangers if you happen to know of any leads that my product manager skill base might lend itself to, please let me know. While I would love to join with someone to fund a new vitamin related company (already mentioned to the couple individuals I know) I have to be realistic and be open to any type of job in any industry right now. I think I would enjoy the change of scenery.


regular not completely real life posting to continue this week.

so um I won't be blogging for awhile.

shit I don't know what the hell is going on right now.
those who know, know why.

I'm in no hurry

I feel like smoke blown into a bubble.

Traveling has wore me down, the nicotine I inserted into my brain does little to wake me from the daze that keeps music from cheering me up. I'm clinging to Swedish pop for a sugar rush but find it bland like flat soda.

At shows this week I wonder where you are in your separate world. maybe NYC, maybe along some coastline. In my fantasy life you'd been my plus one at the wedding last week. Instead while reminiscing with old friends there were the questions I don't want to answer. Outside on the country club steps I was asked why I wasn't seeing anyone.

"I'm just not." I replied.

"What do you mean? I always thought we were just like each other; always having someone in our lives. We were never alone."

I shrugged not able to explain away the last three or four years depending on how you define seeing someone.

"Really?"
"Yeah it's been a couple years."
She thought that statement false and her face showed it.
"I know! I used to be like that of course but I have gone over year not seeing anyone before, you know."
"Really?" My past history gave her no reason to believe me.
Yes really! I thought. I gave her another I don't know what to tell you shrug.
"Why not? Have you tried online dating?"
"Ha! I have enough trouble not freaking out with people I see every week sometimes, now imagine me talking to a stranger in such a put upon situation. I'm just not good at it [dating] so why bother? I over think everything and to be honest I kind of feel just not worthy of keep up my end. I don't have much to offer right now."

"What? You have job and you're not retarded [actually I believe she paid me a couple nice compliments here]". Corey already had joined us earlier and issued a statement on top of the steps that yes I am indeed more neurotic these days.

I didn't argue, "Yeah. No. I don't know."

I had this same basic conversation three times that day.



I've been waiting for someone to catch me off guard, to throw me for a loop.
someone that makes me swoon. I'm in no hurry.

That sounds like being picky but the truth is that I haven't felt really anything lately. Glimpses and deeper connections, yes - but at over a year since I'd tripped or stammered all I have is thoughts of an imaginary person right now.

guess that's better than nothing.
wait - that is nothing.

Band: havana guns

Spoon SF show

half tempted to make another turnaround trip for this:

Sat July 14th
Spoon @ Cafe De Nord in San Francisco
$10! tix day of show only

hmm ... a couple venues in LA have the 15th open.
crosses fingers.

I only recently got around to listening to Spoon so I can't tell you if the new album is better than their older stuff, but it's a wonderful album to speed down the 5 to like I did coming from the Bay Area last weekend. more on that later.

kiss or kill 4th bbq

Don't use this flyer as a guide to set times.

A little bit of Kiss or Kill action at El Cid after work [Yes I'm working. Yes my company is lame - but I did have Monday off] and then I'll see you folks that I know at J's house later that night in EP for "...getting drunk, barbecuing, chair racing [down the street], domino-ing, breaking stuff, listening to soul music, doing the funky chicken, stumbling down to the lake for illegal fireworks, killing terrorists and civilians, claiming land in the name of manifest destiny and playing "i am a real american" by hulk hogan". See you there!

Posts from last year's party. Sadly my drunk audio blog (well the company that handled it) from that night went kaput.

Anyhow enjoy your holiday, drive safe, blah blah blah.