People I love more than anything - Mom!

This is my mom and Sunday was her birthday.


She spoiled me growing up maybe to compensate for being the middle child, maybe I needed it at first, maybe because she still talks about when I was an infant with a crazy high fever and how she panicked not really knowing what to do. With me shivering with fever chills my mom wrapped me up in multiple blankets which of course doesn't help and I would guess my dad seeing me getting worse finally convinced her that despite what little money my family at the time was not to be worried about and a trip to the ER was a must (You have to remember this is before most folks used HMOs, where you paid out of pocket for the dentist, for the optometrist, and especially for ER visits).   Well I ended up in the emergency room where I'm told the doctors gave her grief about what she thought was the right thing to do wrapping me up like that.  The hospital staff quickly swept away from my mom's arms and placed my infant body into a tub of ice to bring my crazy high temperature down, I was that hot.

Neither of us were they same since that night.

Later as a teenager she told me that I was the only one in the family that she could talk to about what was going on in her life, her problems. She worried a lot about me and my siblings though we all stayed out of trouble; we were basically boring, good suburban kids but she wanted the best for her kids and it broke her heart to see us down or hurt. In return I opened up about my situations, (parts of) relationships and regrets though I knew she would take my wins and losses personally.  She meant well but often I would have to push back, tell her not to worry and continue with what I wanted to do and sometimes I did that in crappy teenage outbursts and actions. I was a stupid kid at times.

After my Dad died when I was 17 I did my best to help out but I also did my best to make sure my mom could take care of herself.  I really didn't have to worry: she went back to school, got promoted at work, exercised, started yoga and fostered community field trips and continues to do so as she goes from her 60s into her 70s. 

She would come to me with questions or clarifications in what to do at times but would also impress me with stories of perfectly executed snap decisions in crucial moments or her ability to put someone in their place regardless of their size or power. This is probably why employees rallied behind her when she attempt to start a union at her old job after that company went too far in their treatment of workers. After 20+ years there she was pissed and was not going to take it anymore.

I had long learned not to underestimate my mom in those moments.

While my sister and brother took after my dad, it's clear that I take after my mom more (save for the red hair that we all got from my dad). I'm thankful for her genes because we both look way younger than we are and as her mom lived to a damn good 78 years in a third world country with so-so medical care, it makes my plan to do the same somewhat realistic especially now that I take my health more seriously these days.

So yeah, my mom is pretty amazing and genetically gifted too.

Anyhow I told her this weekend how thankful I was for her, for everything she has done for me, how she understands far more than I have given her credit for at times. That I love her and miss her.

Happy Birthday Mom though you will never read this or any blog but boy, she does love her cell phone.

(Picture courtesy of my brother who took my mom to Chevy's and got her tipsy for her birthday.)

~~~
I also want to say Happy Birthday to B's mom because she deserves a shout out too for her recent birthday at the end of March. She is an amazing mom who did a great job with her daughter. I already said so on her facebook page but I'll say it again, Happy Birthday Barb!

08.24.07 Vegas Crackhead Encounters

[My brother turned 40 in 2007 and invited the whole family to Vegas for a weekend of fun. My sister and then husband flew in from Rhode Island, my mom from the Bay Area and I drove through the desert (that post says more - says everything). I did a quick recap of the trip here but never finished writing about the conversations like I said I would. So here they are and a little more]

In Vegas, you only need to stand outside a casino side entrance a few minutes to meet a crackhead.

Encounter#1:
Outside Excalibur chatting with my sister when a lady walks up to us asking where we're from. She looks like a normal middle age mom, not homeless, not selling us anything just a little too friendly - something was odd but I couldn't put my finger on it. My sister answers with Rhode Island but clarifies that we are actually California natives. This excites the lady and she states how she can relate, explaining she lives in Hawaii. My sis and I are not tracking this course of conversation this lady took us on but she noticed our confusion and continued to say that she lives on the main island part time and the other half in California too. We engaged her more because we're bored and a little drunk in Vegas like everyone else and this is lady is still giving off an odd vibe we couldn't just let be. 10 minutes later this lady is inviting us to visit her in Hawaii, giving all her personal information on how to contact her, where to fly in, how we can stay a few weeks with her. All very odd.

Later when I told this story and mentioned the main island part to a friend who used to live out there, she quickly said that people like that from the main island were heavily into meth (she used a different term) and that it was best not to respond if that lady ever made contact. My sister still wanted to go.

Encounter#2
3am-ish a stumbling couple wanders through the swoosh of glass doors of Excalibur, verbally displeased to see they were still in the parking lot and not onto The Strip. We are once again outside as my sister smokes and I'm smoking too.

The female and drunkest one of the two walks up and interrupts my conversation with my mom to ask how to get to the Tropicana. I laugh knowingly at her. "Oh don't feel bad, I've been so drunk here once that I literally spent an hour trying to find a way out."

"Oh thank you!" she says giving me a sloppy hug. "You're the nicest employee here!"

I shoot her an annoyed look while she has her arm around me, her date looking on amused.

"I don't work here." Curt but unnoticed. I'm wearing jeans, a black tshirt and converse, WTF? Ms. Drunky Pants?

Continuing with being helpful I give them directions to escape the casino resort: "Follow the wall, up to the left. Do not take the escalators."

I repeat it five times. Her bobble head could not focus on where I was pointing for a reason. Drunky Pants reaches out for my cigarette still with her arm wrapped around my waist.

"Would you like your own???" said like a British nanny. Gees Silly Canuck.


Encounter #3
Outside Caesars at the end of Forum shops I'm waiting while Ryan finishes smoking.


We notice a dorky rent a cop on a segway down the street. He scoots up, waitis for the automatic doors to open and rides into the mall section. Two minutes later he comes back down the walkway and circles back around to our location. He looks confused and lost. Before he gets to the door his manager is walking in his direction.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I was...just"

"Get back in there!!" The manager points fiercely to the mall entrance before walking off.

Rent a cop pulls in through the doors and mumbles sadly to no one "...but I was just in there."

Oh so pathetically funny. not terrible reassuring safety wise, but damn funny.  A minute passes and a guy in a scarf comes up and starts chatting with us. The odd ones always come up to you first and this side entrance is proving to be the winning hand for us in this regard.

Scarf guys just wants to brag about his life apparently. He mentions how he grew up as a son of production booker for Ceasers, how he has met everyone, blah blah blah. It's an interesting life-story and we're game for about five minutes, listening and encouraging his Vegas tale. That is until he changes his tune out of nowhere and mocks us as being tourists: "I'm sorry, but you are tourists!" I look at Ryan. Ryan looks at me."Uh yeah" Ryan responses and with that answer, scarf guy tosses one end of the fabric length over his shoulder and huffs into mall never to be seen again.

~~~~~


Looking back at this draft I barley remembered any of this random stuff until I read my words again. What I do remember is escaping my family to "take a nap" but instead calling B and telling her about these same encounters. I remember looking for cool Vegas souvenirs I could mail and loving the poker chip magnet I found for her refrigerator. I remember still being nervous to call because up until then we were mostly doing emails having just met a couple weeks earlier. I remember thinking I could talk forever to her and not because weekends were free on our calling plans...way before we realized that we both had the same carrier so it had always been free.


I would paid thousands just so could I wish her a good night and sweet dreams.

.

placement

03.07.10

It was a long day.  The Ex requested that I return my kids a few hours later than normal which meant I had time to be flexible with scheduling meals and planning out our day.

coordination

This Sunday I was up early before the kids so I made an assortment of breakfasts to greet each one as they stumbled out of the bedroom: leftovers for myself from last night's dinner and for them scrambled eggs and toast served with cut pineapples and grapes.

We got ready and went to the store for I don't remember what but there was still the typical diffused glow of a LA morning that said nothing of the previous day's rain. Mother Nature can be so Hollywood sometimes, quick to change scenes and always looking camera ready. Then it was Laundry Time! (I mention doing laundry a lot - I sort of love doing laundry) as the kids did their homework and when that was done we watched bootleg Invader Zim episodes online, a show I now totally love but loved even more so this downtime with my kids.

orientation

With the Dad stuff out of the way we all got a little antsy so I decided to drive as far as we could from my place, straight down Wilshire Blvd while pointing out the various streets my daughter was to run for the LA Marathon.  We drove until the road ended at the cliffs of Santa Monica then with a right turn, a left turn and we veered down California to PCH.  Windows down, music up, we all sang along:

Telephone yapping
foot gas tapping, singing to the radio
Song it’s blasting
chorus lasting, and she doesn’t even know….

Wreckage - The Dollyrots

It felt like a weekday, traffic light for a Sunday.  We parked on the north side of the Topanga River and walked down a path to where the hill jutted out closest to the shore. Watching my children make their way to the ocean I realized that I've been here on these same rocks before as a kid myself, one long ago vacation away from the Bay Area.

Looking over the river outlet on the left was the lifeguard building, para-sailers ahead, and below me was this rock outlined heart:

And below me on the right was this heart:

I stood in the middle.

with the wind sculpting my hair into a large, frothy q-tip,
the rocks that break up the beach,
the pockets of sand, the brittle top layer still there, much like hardened chocolate syrup.
Between a whole heart and a broken one

placement.

I live here

...and love it more everyday.


The East Side of Los Angeles on a Sunny Day from clark vogeler on Vimeo.

The Eastern end of Los Angeles as seen through some Tilt Shift video. The song is "gymnopedie #1" by Eric Satie according to one commenter on Curbed LA, so there's that too.


h/t Curbed LA