I knew it when the blue wall shifted back. Details of the bookcase are allowed through, the folded fabric from open closet doors, and noise of occupied apartments surround you. I am awake. I knew it that day. I saw the pictures, the words I wrote before - that I missed you - I think of you. This is my secret that doesn't seem to be told anymore. My dream: trying to take a picture of your reluctance. I stop, drop the camera down to my waist and answer "because you're beautiful" when you ask why I want this moment frozen on film. I am awake, drinking water and reality is much better than this dream.