from the beginning

[All this was said over long distance phone calls and I'm posting this now because it is on my list of things to do - my list of incomplete drafts, intentions, and desires. This is simply for me. 

The words I put down over 2.5 years ago could never do justice to those two nights, so I never posted this...and honestly I was fearful that if posted on my blog, it would somehow jinx everything. I can say with absolute certainty that my life forever changed for the better in those few hours. I am not afraid to say this and will never be.]


Maybe it was seeing the Wombats or Maybe it was my decision to fix my glasses that made it happen. Regardless, this was written on Aug 14th, 2007

[There was video here at one time / it is no longer on youtube]

It started with an internal debate: Should I go or do I stay at home and do nothing again.

I was ready to leave, on the couch debating the worth of money spent to see the Wombats at Spaceland. I wasn't employed at the time and frankly a bit flustered with my stupid responsible side that said don't go, you're not allowed to be happy. Save your money.

My hands would wring my own self hating neck if I could, but I told myself to fuck off and just go. Be happy, Jump Willy, Jump. So I did.

You know that glow after great sex? Yeah the Wombats played a show like that.

Sang most of the words to their songs, mumbled the rest and left after the show jumping from curb to curb, past 7-Eleven to my parked car to find my way to Kiss or Kill that night. I landed giddy with smiles.

~

She came in with a friend straight off the plane from Michigan, paused at the landing that looked over the patio of El Cid before braving the uneven final four steps down. I knew I was going to talk to her in those first few seconds.

I said hi to our mutual friend as we chatted as a group and fought the shyness and kept thinking how cute she was as she spoke. She was wearing a Snoopy shirt and I was honesty surprised to hear that she just got off a 4+ hour flight and did not look at bit traveled. She was nothing but adorable in my eyes as we talked.

Our conversation was as short as she was and before I knew it she was leaving for the night. Our spoken goodbyes lacked an ending I was happy with and it showed in my face. I wanted to believe her expression reflected mine as we said goodbye and she relaxed into the pull off her group, heading towards the stairs up to Sunset Blvd.

At home, up until 5 AM, I debated writing the mutual friend to mention what I thought of this most beautiful girl, the girl that finally made me swoon at first sight. This would be call making an effort; It had been so long I didn't know how to do it anymore. I've been waiting and waiting and how many false starts did I backed away from these years past? I did nothing that night but think of her.

There was a morning email from the mutual friend who relayed nice thoughts from her. I respond immediately.

"OMG. You have no idea how cute she was!!!"

Saturday would be the next time I could see her during a party down the street, said our friend. That night I showered twice, brushed my teeth twice (yes really) and walked around the lake of Echo Park to the Lavetta House and waited, and waited.

Word was that they were running late which made me a little panicky. I was hella nervous, enough so that my friends notice and insist I have a drink, like right now. They arrived just before I came back outside after finding one of the last beers in the refrigerator. I pushed through the party to the front porch and I see her below. She is beautiful and here to see me - I still can't believe this but I have been reassured that this is indeed true. She's standing within a group of my friends chatting as I'm coming down the stairs, and when I reached the bottom I casually stand opposite of her and wait patiently for an organic moment to make my way over.

Standing next to me, JP kicks me in the shin.

"What the fuck?" I whispered and she stares me into the right direction.

"I know." said with a glare, "I'm going. Happy?"

So I walk around the circle and say hi and this is all perfect. Her smile is perfect. Her eyes search mine and I'm right there in a moment I can't even describe right now.

We talk and observe the funky chicken at the stroke at midnight (a Lavetta House tradition).

We talk as we sat on the concrete step off to the side of the house.

We snuggled and kissed and at one point laying back on the concrete driveway she rest her head on my chest looking about the non-existent starscape of Los Angeles. You have to travel an hour out to see better stars I tell her, then realize, oh wait you'll still be in suburbs. Michigan is nothing like that she informs me.

I talked about California and somehow bring up redwoods trees so large you can drive through them. She doesn't believe they exist. Trust me, they do I say.

I told her how incredibly cute she is. 50 times.
I'm actually holding back as I could say it for 50 more.

~

She left for Michigan the next day.

This sucks this rare thing.
oh this is going to hit me in a couple days. I mean in a bad way.

[It was late, maybe 4 AM so I went to bed to dream of her. When I finally opened my laptop the next afternoon, I wrote out every thought and feeling.]


And it does today.
I'm moping, forcing my memory to rewind, to see her face repeatedly,
to make me smile again.



Comments

  1. Well, it seems as if everything worked out for the best... I guess I have to ask, are you feelings still the same 2 and half years later? Or do you look back at this post as a faded photograph?

    ReplyDelete
  2. how do you feel now that you've posted it?

    ReplyDelete

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