Me and the LAPD

I heard a knock on my door this morning and answered it with coffee in hand. In front of me were two serious cops; in front of them was a guy wearing blue pajamas with a shirt adorned with three penguins and the words "Chill Out!"

"We're responding to a report of screaming kids from your apartment." the one on the left informed me. His partner watchfully said nothing. Lefty specifically asked if there was any screaming inside my little place.

"You mean screaming bloody murder type of screaming?" I specifically questioned.

The partner had no reaction other to see his partner start to answer "no" before taking control of the conversation again. All I wanted was clarification; was it scream of a slow and painful death, I won the lottery, or I walked into a spider web type of screaming, not that I ever did the later. I thought it was a fair question and fortunately my shirt already put them in a tranquil place mentally so they took it at such.

"Are there any screaming kids in here sir? We need to make sure any children are alright in here."

I didn't have screaming kids at the time but remarked "Well that's nice I guess" to this visit at the ungodly hour of 9am, meaning someone cared enough to call the cops at the slightest sound of a kid having a fit over video games or something.

More questions, more answers, more flat jokes and they shortly left satisfied that I wasn't hanging kids on meats hooks in my closest. Just good cops doing their job dealing with smart asses like me.*

* I wasn't awake enough to give any attitude and I wouldn't. My brother is a cop so I'm used to hanging out with his friends and with the door wide open and my relaxed body language, my humor came off more dry than anything.


  1. They were probably so surprised that you spoke english that they let you off easy.


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