my guard is down

I'm trying to forget the last two weeks that I have trouble remembering.

Made choices to stay local in the evenings and one day in the sun walking among plants and turtles of the LA Arboretum for the Garden Show. Walked the path to the back eventually picking out a bench near the waterfall to eat lunch as peacocks circled for a better look. Left with a plant from the Cal Poly booth and a little packet of heatstroke for the memories.

Instead of Harbor Blvd. I stayed on Sunset last Wednesday laughing in chairs on Safari Sam's patio over the cuteness a friend has found themselves in. Seeing smiles makes me happy as did seeing one of my favorite bands She's Your Sister - always good. Overnight Lows played a flat set until the end when Jules sat down at the keyboards and sang one song and jumped off the stage for the last. It was discussed how great they can be when they remember what being a pop band means. Where was the snap? Where was the crackle? Caught the tail end of the Clash tribute band - I liked them - nowhere as annoying as Sweet and Tender Hooligans who ruined that concept for me years ago.

Speaking of ruined...well May 5th came and went leaving me in thoughts (not memories) that I needed to decipher.

So far: Settling for less is what I've done in the past. Losing inspiration, losing my religion, losing touch with my smiles. May 5th was a reminder of how far I've gone and what I'm looking for. May 5th was an anniversary she forgot while we were together - Oh she wanted the boring gifts and lavishes for every occasion while I just wanted acknowledgment on the one day that meant something to me. These things don't happen overnight. **

I've stopped expecting anything more from people. Sometimes I expect less. Lately people have surprised me and I lowered my guard a little more in respect to a remembered concept of "trust."

It's scary how open I've been to people these last two weeks.

**A little clarification: This is just one thought about one day. I try not to finger point without also pointing it at myself too. I made mistakes and I made choices.


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