A)

5.03.07 - old draft

I took a chance with her and spoke my recent secrets. One was about May 5th and how that still lingers, the other was where her questions eventually wandered. Already within my gate her curiosity to where my current interests laid was not unexpected.

"Nowhere as far as I know," was my response and then added it was more fun to write about infatuations then to actually participate in them. "We both know how bad I am at it; the shyness, the step backward doubts of opening up. You've read my stuff to know this. You read about to what extent I over thought the simplest things...like the DG situation."

"Is that the one that didn't call you?"

No and I didn't expect a response either. The very rare times I put myself out there, I'm realistic if anything. No this was way before that."

So I tell the story again to new ears


"You know how sappy I can be right?"
"Yeah. And how I like to daydream about my fantasy life? Well imagine all that times ten."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I always knew it wasn't real but..."
"Wait who was this?"
"xxxxxxxxx."
She repeated the name three times savoring the vowels, drawing a blank.
"xxxxxxx of such and such personal connection"
Well I said it in more detail.
"Does she know?"
"Pretty sure. It's not that I didn't make it obvious to her in other ways. There was this one time, actually it was a build up returned eye contact, then passing hellos, then there was this one night we talked and bam! my fantasy world hit reality. Seriously thinking wtf, right? And it overwhelmed me, it consumed me and all I wanted to be was normal around her."
"So what happened?"
"Nothing. I wasn't ready to try anything and I knew it. Never asked her out. I walked away from nothing (reality = realistic about my chances) but damn I loved being that inspired."
"Yet strangely it still comes off as boring."

Yeah I know.