I think I get it now
I hate my misshapen body, my malformed words, my mistakes I create far too often. I hate the way the shirt hangs and don't know why I even put it on just to walk to the video store. I hate as I showered this morning my nose started to bleed after washing most of soap off oddly angled parts only to now have to wash the blood off. So I still felt dirty and washed again then there was more blood and oh my god if I read between the lines and trusted my instincts and not my fears or wished for escapes from dumpy apartments, escapes to Long Beach tonight when I rather be in Silver Lake dealing with faulty intercom systems. I hate that feeling when your heart is racing for the wrong reasons and blood is coming out of your nose and knowing how completely fucked up I am sometimes.