things I don't want for my bday # 1

I use to love cows.

People knew this when I screamed in childlike glee over a herd coming into feed one day when at the side of a local ranch.

People knew this when asked why I dress in my cow costume one Halloween at the cinema I worked at and improvise squirting utter (ISU) into the outfit.

We were allowed the three weeks prior to Halloween to dress up and in between the start and the 31st was my birthday. Coworkers being mostly retarded and unoriginal now had the brilliant idea that I really, really wanted cow related presents.

Presents like:
-A salt and pepper cow spotted shaker
-A cow letter holder made of the front and end of a cow with a curled wire belly
-A cow spotted toilet paper holder
-A pastoral scene printed onto kitchen towels
-A gallon of milk

I use to like cows but you people ruined it for me with kitschy crap and I stopped drinking milk when I was six. Thanks for killing my bovine fetish.

So please no cow related gifts this year.
(cow themed postcards sent by a hella cute girl are exempted)


  1. Viva la cow fetish! When I first moved to the Midwest I had to pull over and shoot a whole roll of film on them. I had never seen one up close. There are no cows in Miami. When I started college I did a photo montage on cows. I even had one that would "dance" for me. I may be lactose intolerant, but that hasn't killed the fetish. I still love a good steak.

    P.S. You haven't lived till you've stuck your hand in a canula.


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