things I don't want for my bday # 1


I use to love cows.

People knew this when I screamed in childlike glee over a herd coming into feed one day when at the side of a local ranch.

People knew this when asked why I dress in my cow costume one Halloween at the cinema I worked at and improvise squirting utter (ISU) into the outfit.

We were allowed the three weeks prior to Halloween to dress up and in between the start and the 31st was my birthday. Coworkers being mostly retarded and unoriginal now had the brilliant idea that I really, really wanted cow related presents.

Presents like:
-A salt and pepper cow spotted shaker
-A cow letter holder made of the front and end of a cow with a curled wire belly
-A cow spotted toilet paper holder
-A pastoral scene printed onto kitchen towels
-A gallon of milk

I use to like cows but you people ruined it for me with kitschy crap and I stopped drinking milk when I was six. Thanks for killing my bovine fetish.

So please no cow related gifts this year.
(cow themed postcards sent by a hella cute girl are exempted)

Comments

  1. A Girl12:56 PM

    Viva la cow fetish! When I first moved to the Midwest I had to pull over and shoot a whole roll of film on them. I had never seen one up close. There are no cows in Miami. When I started college I did a photo montage on cows. I even had one that would "dance" for me. I may be lactose intolerant, but that hasn't killed the fetish. I still love a good steak.

    P.S. You haven't lived till you've stuck your hand in a canula.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A)

Image
A couple weeks ago I was sitting on a hallway bench staring at the wall. Friends were on their way and the Honey Pot stopped by to chat for a few minutes wasting time until her equipment showed up. As she got up to wander around again, a boy and girl seated along the bar made introductions to her. Listening (not minding my own business) I remained seated on the bench studying a mosaic of a bullfighter in the midst of battle, sipping my Newcastle. I smiled to strangers passing through to use the bathrooms around the corner. I was bored out of my mind. I wondered if my thoughts were being read and felt that tingle of someone watching me. I rubbed the upper lip in preparation, then looked around my little area for the source of my paranoia and probably by chance the girl and I made direct eye contact. Brief awkward acknowledgments with matching half smiles faded slower than our gazes turned from each other. She reminded me of Whiskey Girl in looks and age which threw me off a bit when I
Read more

moaning post

Image
I had a flat this Friday, not that big of a deal normally, except I managed to snap the stem as I was removing a lug nut. Wonderful. More money that I don't have. I'm getting sick of tires, my numerous flats, gas prices, traffic. If I wasn't getting such a good price on rent I would move closer, but why pay what I'm currently paying for far less space in a worse neighborhood? Even with the gas savings I would nearly be at the same spot I am now. We'll see if Just Tires can fix my problem and/or hopefully replace it under the service plan I paid for. Good chance the obscene amount of miles I've put on my might have over shot the plan limitations, which will force me to pay out of pocket. Grr. I have 99,700 miles on my car as of last night. That means I'm doing @ 25-30,000 miles a year. Yikes! Oh I'm sick again, spending the weekend sleeping, not getting my tire fixed, and writing stuff for the other blog. Sometimes I wish no one knew about this one then
Read more

Too late movie reviews

Image
I love going to the dollar cinema, so instead of torturing you folks with another I have crush and a pic of DG is still my background image, blah blah blahness , I'm going to give you my take on the last two movies I saw on the cheap. Reviews given without regard for insightfulness and with the assumption that you already seen these films. Madagascar The lemurs were great especially King Julian as played by Sacha Baron Cohen (Da Ali G Show - he is Ali G) . Every one talked about the penguins, but they are so not funny. Guess the kids and retards like them. Dreamworks animated films will never be on the same level or quality of an average Pixar film. They play more for the lowest common demoniator of the viewing public, releasing quanity over quality. This doesn't hurt Madagascar because the movie hits enough jokes, sight gags, and movie references to keep feeling fresh. It's more topical than groundbreaking, keeping with old WB cartoons compare to Pixar's goal for timel
Read more