a pause without air

When I do normal things I might write about them after the fact.

It's the abnormal, the random, these complete lies I imagine, the little seconds of a smile, and the awkward look away that gets me writing.

Let me try to explain:

Smile #1 to a girl I see everywhere and known by everyone. We stood in a group in the parking lot - I smile across to her instead of avoiding eye contact. I'm happy that I did because being shy isn't a good way to make friends.

Smile #2 to the force that is DG. To say I don't care is an apparent lie when I see her across the bar, dreading my choice to ignore or acknowledge her when our pathes cross.

To think I used to go out of my way to cross them.

I've made a point of ignoring her lately; she just does per routine. A little group conversation and we barely glance over the foot of distance between us. Only in the last second of leaving the bar do we meet and I find myself happy for it. I stand back to let her pass with a friendly smile waiting for her 'I have to say hi in order to pass you' smile. I've stopped lusting for anything more long ago.

Sliding by she softly places her hand on my chest.


I look down at her fingers on top of me.

"and goodbye."

She continued on and I started breathing again.


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