My friend Cortney is awesome because:

She puts up with my shit.

She can speak Swedish.

She makes a broccoli pie that everyone loves except me. Come on, its broccoli, Eww.

She used to let me drive her super fast turbo VW bug all around all crazy and shit in-between cars back and forth, flipping people off and then when they came on back up to me I'd cut them off and they would skid off the embankment and die and shit, which sucked for them but since it wasn't my car they busted her and she covered OG style for me, serving something like 3 yrs in prison and that was rough on her with the crack smuggling and stabbing of her cellmate who got up all in her shit and Cortney was all like "hey bitch why you up in my shit" and the Riverside resident former meth lab owner, said "What you say? You ain't taking my saltines" and Cortney had to stop the shit right there and fast, 'cause she has a street cred to protect and knifed that skanky dirty whore right there in the cell covering her mouth and staring into the bulging eyes of the dying girl.

"Bitches. Can't live with them, can't kill them. Well not legally" as she laughed maniacally.

Happy Birthday Cortney even though it was last Sunday, but we'll party old school style with Tone-Loc and Coolio tomorrow!

Picture099_12Jul05 Yo bitch! Why ain't you walking?

Picture106_12Jul05 Read the sign. No parking you dirty whores. Shit didn't your momma teach you anything but skanking your dirty whore ass around town like Paris Hilton?


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