I knew after I posted "you guys don't care" that it was going to sound all whiney. Yes I'm grumpy, sickly, moany and what not today, and I was griping about not feeling well enough to go out tonight.

The point that I made zero attempt to get across with that line was that I assume you come here to read about the stupid things I say to people, and not to read that I was sleeping and maybe or maybe not going to Kiss or Kill.

I don't care to re-read those posts either so I try to make them short and not often, but I write for myself first, so you'll get some of boring parts of life - @ 98% of my life actually. I'm boring and I'm cool with that.

You see, I know you would rather read posts like this (I would too):

  • 3 am

    She was a violent kisser.

  • Starting at 10pm (none of this is true)

    4.30 am I'm stuck at a train crossing watching the longest train ever pieced together pass by. Blue box, red box, my eyelids drift downward, head and body tilt right as it relaxes until jerking back awake knowing I'm only a few miles from my house.

    Before this I received a birthday late night invitation to the house for wine and getting to know you's as she phrased it. Our IMs made it clear that we valued the speaking our minds connection, the understanding of human complexities. We resided in the gray part of any conversation, where nothing is as simple as it seems.

    This all fine and swell before the two bottles are finished off, and now joined by the honey pot and new friend's sister*, we started to talk about our lust for the same girls in our social group. Smoke billows up through cracks of the patio's sheet metal roof, Christmas lights dangle off the edges.

    I realized that the honey pot is quite the fitting name and tried to explain to her that "thing" that drew me to her sweetness. I also tried to ignore it.

    She goes back inside and returns 20 minutes later with more wine.

    "I love your sideway looks." This is the first thing she says upon sitting down across for me.

    "Huh? You mean my evil eye?" I respond with a raised eyebrow.

    I'm smiling and she smiles almost embarrassed.

    "No, no. I love the sideways looks you give me"

    The conversation continues about stares and how these can be misunderstood, but we never go any deeper into what she mentioned. How many times in passing we made eye contact, how many times we find ourselves standing next to each other in front of our favorite bands and give that quick smile, those sideway glances?

    I knew exactly what she meant.

    *I've never talked to her before - just passing smiles and hellos before she stopped hanging out at the same places.

    From 5.9.05

    One night, large crowd.
    Arms slightly touching. I noticed the second time and the third. We easily could've moved away from each other like strangers normally would. I looked around the room to see if she or anyone else noticed, but never got a look back.

    Another night, another large crowd.
    Bouncing until the music was over with stranger's arms around my neck and waist. Found myself holding her hand and wondered how I grabbed it by accident or if she did. Felt it a few seconds too long as our fingers slowly slipped away from each other.

  • Stating the obvious

    Tempted by the honeypot - her blond hair now cut short - I reached up to run my fingers through the back layers.

    "Did I tell you how incredibly cute you are?"

    "Did I tell you how incredibly cute your new hair looks?" My mouth instead spoke out loud.

    "No you didn't. Thanks" Her eyebrows shifted up to the right with her smile, pretending that I didn't just say that.


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